Saturday, March 5, 2011

Our Best Bites

I borrowed my title from one of my favorite blogs, though this post has nothing to do with mouth-watering concoctions - far from it. I would go so far as to say that this post should be called Our Worst Bites, but you be the judge.

Bite #1
My good friend Kelsey has turned quite crafty lately. Not in the "crafty-old-witch" way, but in the "I make my own yogurt and graham crackers" way. We were out to lunch and she had brought some of the aforementioned home made graham crackers. I gave one to Jace to munch on while we ate lunch. Pretty soon, Jace had turned his cracker, which was more like a biscuit, into a gooey, slobbery ball of mush. I tried to clean him up with a wipe, then discarded the wipe and mush-ball into Kate's empty pasta bowl. (She had finished long before.)

Several wipes later, Jace started looking more like a human infant. Kate tapped me on the shoulder at this point and asked what that yummy treat was I had put in her bowl. I looked in horror at her bowl, now filled only with dirty wipes.

ME: "You ate that??? Why would you eat that?? Remember how we talked about not eating things when we don't know what they are? That was Jace's chewed up cracker."
KATE: "Oh. Well, can I have another one?"

Bite #2
The scene is Texas Roadhouse. It's Valentine's weekend, so the restaurant is extremely crowded and noisy, and there is a big ol' vein in my chicken. I discretely cut it out and place it on a napkin hidden on the side of my plate. Part way through the meal, Faith weasels her way to my side of the booth to say hi to Jace.
Now, some people may say that Mike is not a notice-er, but his eyes can be quite sharp when it counts.

MIKE (sounding slightly alarmed): Faith just put something in her mouth, do you know what it is?

Faith had swallowed the evidence as quickly as possible, but one look at my hidden napkin confirmed what I had already guessed. Mmmmmm, chicken vein...

Bite #3
Kate bites her nails. Not just the ones on her fingers. I found out recently that she also bites her toenails. When I discovered this, she received a good lecture on all the dirt and germs she is eating when she bites her toenails.

KATE: "But Mom, the dirty ones are the yummiest!"

(Sorry if you just gagged. Don't worry, I did too. And she has now stopped biting her toenails. I think.)

Bite #4
The kids and I were in the produce section of the grocery store. Faith pointed to a bunch of Crimini Mushrooms and shouted (because that's her normal tone of voice), "CAN I HAVE A DONUT!?"
I picked up a Mushroom and held it so she could see it and asked, "So you want to eat this 'donut'"?
Faith immediately leaned forward and took a big bite out of it.
And that's how I bought my first Crimini mushroom.